It's the little things

Do you ever think about how there is truly nothing new under the sun? No matter how hard we try to escape the cycle of repetition (or at least I try desperately hard haha), it feels like repetition continues to manifest itself. It doesn’t always look the same, but it’s always there, sometimes blatantly or maybe lurking just beneath the surface. When I reflect on my weeks, my emotions, my takeaways, sometimes it seems like it’s always the same. Not in the details, but at its core. Maybe this is all nonsense that only makes sense to me, I have been told I’m terrible at explaining haha. While I am relentlessly reminded change is the only thing that is constant, I think making meaningful and long-lasting change within ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. The areas I am trying to grow and the ways I am trying escape the vicious cycle of what is convenient are endless and wayyy beyond the scope of this blog post. Maybe you could say the same for yourself if you thought about it. However, what I am wondering right now, is do I have anything meaningful or original to offer in this blog post? Maybe. Maybe not.

October 11-14th ish

A few novel things did happen Monday. Well novel for me anyway. Before class, Lauren and I baked muffins. Banana muffins with chocolate to be exact that were dubbed, “post bday muffins”. I must confess I ate way too many before heading to class, but they were delicious. Our classes were scheduled to be on campus, but we took the short cut through the hospital. We were a little behind schedule (the muffins were so worth it), but on our way we passed our professor. He was heading in the opposite direction, and we pleasantly said hello as we passed him, but he simply gave us a quizzical look and continued walking. Moments later, Lauren and I realized there was no way he could get to our classroom on time. He was too far away to ask him if he was aware of the classroom change, so we did the only logical thing we could think of. We messaged in our class group message, and one of our lovely class representatives worked to get in contact with the administration. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence haha. So as it turned out, we were able to get to get to class with plenty of time to spare by the time the confusion got sorted out. The rest of the day passed without incidence (:

That evening I tried another new activity. A group of students tutors some adult Hebrew speakers in the Old City of Be’er Sheva on Monday nights in English. This was the first time they have been able to gather in almost a year due to Covid. The English students showed up about 30 minutes late and the teachers (aka medical students) far outnumbered the pupils. But they were very tender and it was clear they really wanted to learn.

Tuesday ended up being an unexpectedly good day. I did some studying outside with other humans which always helps (: I have continued to go to basketball practice. The coach was in a surprisingly good mood and even tried to use a little English. Sarita, a girl from Florida who recently became an Israeli citizen joined the team (: This was very exciting for me haha, I’m no longer alone in my lack of understanding. Although she can understand and speak much more Hebrew than me. There are moments though that language is not necessary to communicate when it comes to basketball. Because I do understand the game haha. There was a moment when the coach was explaining to my friend Arina how to get by me when I’m on defense, and I knew exactly what he was talking about the whole time even though I couldn’t understand a single word coming out of his mouth. He made a joke, which Arina translated for me, saying I suddenly could understand Hebrew because I wanted to know what he was saying. False haha, but it would be fantastic if it did work that way.

Sarita was determined to find a way for me to get an Israeli ID and play in the games. Her solution was just short of brilliant ;) My dad wouldn’t be happy about it haha. Her grand plan is for me to marry an Israeli guy immediately. She even said it could be a marriage in name only if I wanted, very generous of her. The funniest part is that I don’t think you can actually get Israeli citizenship through marriage haha. I declined regardless, but it made me laugh. I really enjoy the basketball girls. As much as I love my classmates, it is wonderful to have a group of humans outside of my normal Be’er Sheva world.

On Wednesday morning, we had our first Microbiology quiz. Many of my classmates had been stressing about it all week. I try not to get worked up about things of this nature, but I really found myself getting sucked into their anxiety and stress and complaints. And boy, that drains me very quickly. At bible study that evening, my small group had some much-needed reminders for me. When it comes to negativity and external stressors, I must remember to hold on to the truths I already know. You can’t fill something that is already full. If I am truly spending time with Christ and allowing myself to be filled with his joy, there isn’t room for the panic and complaints even though they may be surrounding me. And his joy can overflow and maybe remind others that there is a reason for joy. This reminded me of how beautiful it is to be able to share your heart with community. The way all these emotions were affecting me kind of seemed like a little thing before I shared with the group, but “little” things can have a big impact on daily life. I don’t want to continue to carry those burdens, and no matter how big or how small, we don’t have to.

Thursday was full of preparation. I had signed up to go to Sde Boker to camp, hike, and worship Jesus with believers from Be’er Sheva, Sde Boker, Jerusalem, and Tel Aviv. I will save that for my next post. I’m finally keeping a post short(er)!

I am finally beginning to feel like I am a part of several small communities here. For a while, I could see community forming, but I felt like an outsider looking in, unsure where I fit. But sometimes I let my insecurities keep me from fully being myself, unafraid and unashamed. And how can I fit when I’m not even being me? Sometimes I’m so concerned that I will be rejected that I don’t even try, keeping me just as isolated as if I was rejected. We won’t fit everywhere, and we won’t be besties with every human. But by not being myself, I’m robbing others of the opportunity to see the sunshine and the joy that is within me. We all have our gifts and they are meant to be shared. You have something beautiful to offer the world. I have seen it in each one of you. Don’t hide it (:

The joy is in the little things. In the muffins you didn't know you would have time to make, in understanding without speaking the language, in sitting outside and laughing at the cats, in FaceTiming my humans and guessing what was said in the moments of lost connection, or in biking across town and feeling the wind across your face. And so much more. It's always there, outside the cycle of repetition. Because as important as the big picture it, sometimes we have to look at the individual slices of time to remember what it is all really about.

Disclaimer: I didn't proofread this haha, so if you notice any big mistakes, let me know and I'll fix them right away ;)