Home; where there is never enough time

As I had prepared to come home to Kansas, one of my constant hopes and prayers was that I would truly be fully present in each moment, and selfishly that time would slow down. Even though my departure from Israel had been abrupt and unplanned, it gave me many precious moments with people that I hadn’t expected. Thursday morning before I headed to the farm was a wonderful example. Brooke and I shared a slow and peaceful morning at her house. She made delicious eggs and pancakes for breakfast, and I soaked in the joy of simply being. I enjoyed the simple pleasures of American butter (I don’t know why Israeli butter is different, and in my opinion inferior, but it just is), being able to get in a car and go whenever was most convenient for us, and just doing a small chunk of life with Brooke.

BLUEBERRY SYRUP!! we LOVE to see it! & we LOVE Brooke!

I got to experience a very special moment at the Dillions’ Starbucks in Lawrence. Miranda, previously Ghumm - now Bishop, greeted me with the biggest hug. She introduced me to her husband !!! and I introduced her to Brooke. I’m so thankful we got to catch up, laugh, and even cry a little, happy tears of course (: To finish up my day in Lawrence I had the privilege of a lunch and hang with Kat, Kaedyn, and Brooke <3 As cliché as it sounds, there were moments that being in the physical presense of my friends felt unreal. I couldn’t tell you where the time went, but before I knew it the day was almost gone. We said farewell for now, and Kat and I hit the road, homeward bound.

I think there is something magical about long car rides with people you love. As exciting as it is to get where you are going, sometimes I want the ride to last a little longer. We talked, sang too loud, made a pit stop or two, and talked some more. By the time we entered the Pratt city limits, I was reminded of what home means. It’s the familiarity of not having to think about where you are going, yet alway ending up at the right place. It’s a Walmart you never feel lost in and an almost guaranteed to see at least one familiar face. It’s looking up and seeing a million uncountable stars in a creation more magnificent than my wildest imagination. But more importantly than all those things, home is my family and my friends who feel like family. It’s knowing that when I walk in the door, my family is happy to see me and glad I am home. How blessed am I to have something so wonderful to come home to?

It’s hard to summarize all the moments, emotions, and joys into words. But I want to try. First of all. Kat. Wow. Even now as I am writing this, I miss her so much. I pray God will always allow me to be soul friends with Kat, but even if it isn’t his will, I can confidently say being friends with Kat changed my life. This girl drove me almost 5 hours, from Lawrence to my home, and gave up spending Christmas with her family so I could spend more time with her. She is steadfast, patient, present, and abounding in the joy of the Lord. She seeks the Lord and fights for what is right. She reminds me of this verse from 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10. “Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more”. Kat does just this, she strives and seeks to love more and more. And not just me, but everyone around her. She has helped me see the beauty of a friendship full of Christ and love.

I will sum up the list of tangible things we did while Kat was at my house, but just know no list could capture the intangibles. We went star gazing, enjoyed fellowship at Haviland Friends Church (and of course a hug or two from Ron Kendall), checked cattle, played games, ate delightful food, started watching Hawkeye, and CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS!!!! I didn’t realize it until I was home, but I had been missing hugs and physical touch while I was away. You can’t truly catch up on half a year’s worth of hugs in less than 2 weeks, but I tried my best.

There were countless moments I would have been all too happy to remain in forever, but as each one ended, another seemed to begin. I wish Kat could have stayed forever, but many other people also love Kat and want to spend time with her. I’m working on sharing haha. I’m beyond blessed by all the special humans I got to spend time with. All the humans who made time to hang out with me. It was a treat when my Aunt Cheryl and Anna McDonald made the trip out and spent an afternoon with us. Dear family friends like Mandy Applegate and her family were so sweet to catch up with. Morgan Claassen’s family was kind enough to share her with Abby and I for a much-needed hangout. We made sure to include a pitstop at Sonic. It went by too fast and was much too short, but it could never be long enough. It wouldn’t have been a successful trip home without spending a morning at the Lingafelter house. PTL for friends like Shayna! Like ships passing in the dark of night, Emma and I just managed to squeeze in a time to catch up and hangout while we were both home from our respective professional schools. I’m so proud of her as she is working hard to become a chiropractor. You can bet I will be going to Emma for all of my chiropractor needs (:

But life has a way of making sure there is always an equal dose of reality to accompany the bliss. This time it came through a funeral. I couldn’t remember a time I had seen this special person without a smile on their face, simply overflowing with joy. The service was beautiful and heartfelt, and it was sad. But it wasn’t without hope. The hope that they are with Jesus and someday they will be reunited with all their loved ones. I think sometimes it is important to be reminded of the fragility of life. As heavy as it may sound, we are all born with an expiration date. Every day we live, is a day we will never get back. As I reflected, I realized that some days I choose joy, but too often I don’t. And to what end? I was created to make a joyful sound, to love boldly, and learn how to walk with Jesus. It is a privilege to get up each morning and have the ability to study and hopefully become a doctor someday even if it isn’t always enjoyable.

Colossians 3:23-24

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

Some days I make my problems much larger than they are. In all honesty, I have nothing to complain about. Even so, true joy cannot be dependent on my circumstances, if I had a “good” day, or whether I feel like I have found the perfect career for me. One of my dear friends shared this mantra with me many months ago, “to suffer is expected; His glory –­ my reward”. At the funeral I was reminded that my life is for His glory, and therefore I can and should choose joy each day in the freedom of His love.

However, over the rest of my time at home, it wasn’t even a little bit challenging to choose joy. It came in leaps and bounds and in cups overflowing. Liz stopped by for a day the same time that Jacey and Wesley arrived. We went and hooped, played volleyball, had deep talks about life in the middle of Orschelns, ate Mexican food (with QUESO!!!), and ended the night with a nostalgic drive through the Lemon Park Christmas lights (: Since it was unexpectedly warm for Kansas in the winter, we even got to ride horses! These friends make joy easy and I think it’s safe to say not a moment felt wasted! <3

One of my favorite family traditions is our New Year’s Eve celebration. We didn’t exactly celebrate on New Year’s Eve, but it was just as wonderful. We had steak, rolls, and sparkling juice (: In comparison to the rest of the night, the food was the least important part. We all shared how each family member had blessed us in the past year along with our word for 2022. To top it all off, Matthew got his guitar, and we just sang songs together and hung out. Wow, I love my family. After spending time with them I felt refreshed and completely loved.

Don't be misled, my mom was there too (: She was just more successful at avoiding the camera than everyone else

Another long held family tradition is Clawson Christmas. I got to catch up with my grandpa, aunts and uncles, and many cousins (: I’m glad I got to see Adeline before she left for basketball practice. I hear she is quite the player and I’m sad I’m not there to see her games. Thanks to my mom, I participated in the annual ‘Dirty Santa’. I even came away with an apron and flexible baking pan that made the trip back to Israel with me. Sometimes Clawson Christmas can feel a bit overwhelming to me, it’s a lot of people. But I treasure the one on one and smaller group conversations I have with everyone; these are the most special.

My intended departure date was January 1st, so I planned to spend swing through Manhattan, spend the night of the 31st in KC, see and hug a few friends before flying out. Some of these plans came to fruition, and for others, God had different plans. With Matthew at the wheel, we headed for Manhattan. We were blessed with the opportunity to catch up with Yeling and Jack, two friends I love dearly, over Olive Garden soups and breadsticks. And to top it off we ended with some boba tea and ice cream. Jack and Yeling are truly some of the sweetest humans. They never fail to make me smile and laugh with a joy that reaches my soul. From there Mariah and Jacey accompanied me, or more accurately I accompanied them, to the top of Manhattan Hill for a wee bit of nostalgia. We then proceeded to adventure our way through Hobby Lobby, because you simply can’t NOT have a great time at Hobby Lobby (:

As we were leaving, a flight notification popped up on my phone. The message’s arrival was casual and subtle, but as I read the update I felt the allusion of control slip away as storm clouds gathered in my soul. My flight from Kansas City was canceled due to bad weather. Almost the entire time I had been home, the weather had been unexpectedly pleasant, hardly the Kansas winter I had expected. I should have suspected Kansas wouldn’t let me leave without a winter storm. I felt frustrated for many reasons. I was tired of fighting all the unexpected obstacles that continued to appear at the most inconvenient times. I had coordinated my originalflight with my roommate Sammy so that we would meet in New York and enter Israel together and not have to face any situations alone upon arrive. Now she would have to make adjustments as well. On top of that, I wanted to be fully present for the limited time I had left with my friends, not distracted by a mess that was out of my control.

Once again, Jesus had a lesson in humility for me. Jacey, Mariah, and Michael all rallied despite my desire to wilt, and we got to work searching for a solution. I do not deserve friends as dear and faithful as this. They weren’t upset that our time together was interrupted by my problems, instead they asked how they could help and we rerouted together. With the dream team’s help a solution was found with ease. There was a flight out of Wichita on January 2nd that still went through New York so I could meet up with my roommate. The new looming obstacle was calling the airline. With an expected wait time of two hours and on-hold music that was almost catchy after the first 30 minutes, I said until next time to my dear friends and away we went. Next stop: Topeka.

I had several different people I could have caught a ride with to Topeka or Lawrence that afternoon. And since Matthew was spending NYE in Manhattan, it didn’t logically make sense for him to be my chauffeur to my next destination. But selfishly I wanted more time with him; I don’t think I could ever be “ready” to say goodbye. Praise the Lord for siblings who simply love me. During our drive I got through to the airline!! Only 1 hour and 45 minutes into my wait time (:

We met Abby and Brooke in Topeka and proceeded to Brooke’s house to make a game plan. We quickly made a list of options and pros and cons for each. Because of the predicted bad weather and new flight location, we decided to forgo traveling into Kansas City. Instead, we made quick plans to meet Kaedyn and Dustin at a cute restaurant in Lawrence, recommended by Janet (: Our time together was positively delightful. We stood outside in the cold much longer than intended simply because we didn’t want to say goodbye. Typical Midwesterners haha.

My mom had equipped me with her famously delicious butterscotch oaties and some sparkling juice for wherever I ended up. A slumby (slumber party/sleepover) with Brooke and Abby is something I will never turn down. Hanging with them always brings peace to my soul, apparently so much peace that I fell asleep on the couch before midnight. I am notorious for falling asleep much earlier than is socially acceptable at slumbies, and I guess some things never change. Thankfully I roused myself into consciousness for long enough to see Kat and give her a hug before she returned to Kansas City to beat the winter storm. Another “see you sometime, hopefully soon” that I wasn’t the least bit ready for.

We woke up the next morning to the snowy arrival of 2022. We lounged, drank yummy hot chocolate, and simply existed. But even when I slow down, time refuses to return the favor. Before I knew it, we were waving goodbye and on our way to meet Matthew in Wichita. I don’t think I can convey how special it was to spend so much time with Brooke. When plans changed and rearranged, Brooke gave her time and home and energy and welcomed me. I have an incredibly special sister who has the sweetest friends and shares them so they become my friends too. Thanks Abby <3

We met Matthew in Wichita and planned our next move. We decided Abby should head home, and Matthew and I booked a hotel room near the airport with a shuttle service. The certainty of leaving continued to feel more real with each farewell hug I gave. And each time, the tears flowed with less resistance. One special bonus of flying out of Wichita meant I had the chance to see Brooke (Fisher) Carson before I left! We met her at Old Chicago after her shift at the hospital. It is always a joy to catch up with my hard-working friend who loves to laugh.

I managed to get a little sleep at the hotel before taking the shuttle with Matthew to the airport around 2am. I didn’t want to leave. But time doesn’t wait, rewind, or stop for anyone. I had my last hug in the U.S. and onward I went. It should be noted I was way off in my calculations. At the Tel Aviv airport, 3 hours was barely enough time to get through security and make my flight. Wichita is not Tel Aviv, which should have been obvious to me, but it wasn’t. No one even showed up to check baggage in until after 4am. Almost to my dismay, I made it through with plenty of time. I wouldn’t have been the least bit upset if they had informed me I couldn’t get into Israel and had to stay instead. But my journey awaited and forward I went.

As I was home, I realized how important it is to have people who know me deeply and fully. Being surrounded by my family and many of my closest friends allowed me to be reminded of who I am and who I want to be. It’s almost effortless to be myself around them and its beautiful. I know they love me for who I am without any ifs, ands, or buts. Most importantly, they point me to Jesus simply by being who they are. I think Ben Rector was 100% correct when he said, “there’s nothing like old friends”. Maybe some wouldn’t consider the friends I made throughout college old friends. But friendship isn’t about the length of time you have known someone, but rather it’s the depth and quality of the moments you have spent together. That’s what an old friend is. One of my friends told me it didn’t feel like I had been gone 6 months. What a blessing it is to have friendships that continue to grow and strengthen despite the physical distance between us.

It is humbling to rely on others so much when it feels like you have little to offer. Time after time people simply blessed me by opening their homes, making time, driving me places, sacrificing time with their families, and by just hanging out. I want to live more like them, interruptible and always willing to share whatever blessings I have. I love you all so dearly and I truly believe I am the luckiest girl in the world because of who I have as my family and friends. You all are truly treasures and gifts of the highest worth.